you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
