once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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