Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
