i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Randomize
