so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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