Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
