It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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