Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
