I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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