How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
