I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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