JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
