dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
