i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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