Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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