Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
