1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
