What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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