Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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