y did u give ur computer a hand job?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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