Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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