She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just high enough for therapy.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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