I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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