You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
