I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
