please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
