I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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