dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
