btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize