You just made me feel so damn special
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
