How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
