So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
