This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
