I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
