I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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