oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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