barbara walters just said penis...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
