Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
