I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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