She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
