LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
