i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
