We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize