Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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