Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
