His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I love having hate sex.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
