Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
