He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
