2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
