was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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