I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
