The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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