i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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