Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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