yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
