Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
