And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize