Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
