Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize