hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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