just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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