my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
