you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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