haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
