no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
