Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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