My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
