please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
