He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
