Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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