i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize