just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
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