This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
