Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
