well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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