Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
