It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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