As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
