my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
ttyl tear gas
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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