this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
