She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
