I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
im holly from the hills drunk
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
