so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize