My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Randomize
