Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm drive I can fine osifer
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
