drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
