I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
