Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
