They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
