the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
