you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
