Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
