I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize