I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
