Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
