My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
