Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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