Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
