Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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