Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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