dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
